I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
