even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
