The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just had sex on a roof
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going