i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?