god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him