my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.