just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.