In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
