Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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  (209): just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment http://tfl.nu/1qk7
  Replies (6) Good night (2495) Bad night (661)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.

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  (678): I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ. http://tfl.nu/9pde
  Replies (58) Good night (8290) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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  (718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx
  Replies (27) Good night (1835) Bad night (3950) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  im so drunk with asians

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  where?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  always

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  (614): im so drunk with asians (1-614): where? (614): always http://tfl.nu/is91
  Replies (43) Good night (7292) Bad night (617)
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  (408): View more from California

  I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.

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  (408): I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing. http://tfl.nu/86sf
  Replies (19) Good night (1288) Bad night (5540)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

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  (623): My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck. http://tfl.nu/ymmz
  Replies (24) Good night (4238) Bad night (2020) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job

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  (413): I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job http://tfl.nu/ruqn
  Replies (13) Good night (3753) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

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  (757): then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?! http://tfl.nu/zl1v
  Replies (14) Good night (892) Bad night (3978) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

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  (610): My vibrator challenges you to a duel. http://tfl.nu/fz14
  Replies (18) Good night (3775) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger

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  (802): I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger http://tfl.nu/yrot
  Replies (9) Good night (2245) Bad night (827)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome

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  (+44): Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome http://tfl.nu/l1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (982) Bad night (401)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.

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  (313): I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to. http://tfl.nu/ozzk
  Replies (7) Good night (396) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future

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  (518): Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future http://tfl.nu/c1z9
  Replies (1) Good night (860) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion

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  (925): Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion http://tfl.nu/770v
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We were destined to go to rehab together

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  (405): We were destined to go to rehab together http://tfl.nu/ewf5
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt

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