Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK