just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
