She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
