I will die if light touches me.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
