I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
