i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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