I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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