why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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