So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i've created a new STD.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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