ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize