everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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