____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
