I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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