Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
false alarm, still single
Randomize
