I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
