oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
