Only a mothe r could love this liver
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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