in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
