After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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