508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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