Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
