If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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