She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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