Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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