'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
