I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
