i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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