i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
