so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
