i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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