Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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