I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
