Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
