I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
