The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
