He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
