So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
