how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize