Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
