She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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