mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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