he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
