I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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