I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
