HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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