every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.