roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my shit smells like andre
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.