my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i already hear my dad disowning me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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