girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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