I want to make a zoo with you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
