Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
