Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
