I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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