wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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