I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
