can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize