So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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