Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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