Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
