It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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