I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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