We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
