Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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