Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
