how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
