Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
