yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
