like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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