im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
